A Girl of White Winter Read online

  Raven agreed readily. He told me to don my white silk and be ready to tell the story of the young man who falls in love with the haughty lady and ends up falling in love with her maid—as that was his favorite.

  But I didn’t want to do this.

  I didn’t want to wear my silk gown and become “the lady in white” and perform for people who knew me mainly as Raven’s quiet wife. It would be different from performing for crowds of strangers.

  But I could not argue with Raven. I couldn’t tell him no.

  The men set up a stage with a curtain in the common house, directly in front of the back door, so that we could enter and hide behind the curtain without being seen by the audience. Well after dark, our troupe gathered out at the back of the common house in our costumes. Jemma had laced me up and curled my hair. She was in high spirits, happy to wear the ice blue silk I’d given her—and to have a chance to dance for her family and friends.

  “Have the people here never seen the group perform?” I asked quietly.

  “Oh, of course,” she answered. “But not for a year, and the show has changed. I think it’s better than ever.”

  Jade stood quietly in her emerald green gown. I don’t think she wanted to do this any more than I did. The children from our group were already inside, with the audience, and Marcel was having trouble keeping his dogs quiet.

  Raven was also inside, and finally, he opened the back door and stuck his head out. “Everyone ready?”

  I tried to smile.

  Motioning with his hand, he brought us in, and we hid behind the curtain. Then he stepped through the break in the curtain and out onto the stage.

  “Welcome my friends!” he called. “To the finest show in all of Samourè.”

  I heard laughter and moved to usual my place downstage to peek out. The faces of the people were bright and happy. They liked that Raven was doing exactly what he would have done in a city or town.

  He announced Jemma’s dance of the sprite, and Marcel and Bonham ran out onto the stage. People were already applauding. Perhaps this amusement had been a good idea on Tristan’s part.

  The show went on, and Ash’s act was more comic than anything else, since he knew everyone so well, and he spilled a few innocent secrets. From where I stood, I could see how much everyone in the audience was enjoying themselves. Tristan smiled broadly. Even Caine was there, and his expression hinted at amusement. Then…my gaze settled on Logan and Brida. They stood slightly apart from everyone else, and two small boys stood in front of them. The boys were delighted, but Logan’s expression was tight, and his arms were crossed.

  When it came time for my act, Raven announced me.

  “And now for something special,” he called. “A tale to pull at your heart strings. May I present, the lady in white.”

  As he stepped back, I stepped out, and as I expected, the room went silent. Of course they had all seen me before, but they’d never seen me like this—like a mix between a noblewoman and a winter fairy. For once, I did not make eye contact with my audience. Instead, I shut everything out, and for first time in months, I thought on my lady, and pretended I was telling the story for her.

  “There once was a soldier,” I began, “who fell in love with the proud and beautiful daughter of a nobleman. She was tall and slender, with eyes of green and locks of waving red hair. She wore the finest gowns of satin and velvet. Though the girl was set above him, the soldier was of good name and family, and he found her alone in her family’s garden. There he fell to his knees, begging for her hand.”

  I went on to act out the various tasks he was set, and near the end of the tale, I could not help but notice that Logan’s eldest son—perhaps seven years old—had moved forward and was hanging on my every word.

  When I finished and dropped my arms to signal the tale was done, there was the usual moment of silence, and then applause.

  When Raven stepped back out, I could see the pride on his face. “The lady in white!”

  Before taking my bow, I couldn’t help looking at Caine. He stared back at me in shock, and I turned away quickly, hurrying through the curtain. I barely heard Marcel’s act with the dogs.

  However, after taking our final group bow, no one went backstage again. Instead, they hurried forward—still in costume—to join friends and family.

  “Wonderful!” Doris said, hugging Jemma.

  And then I realized I’d need to mingle, still wearing this gown that made me look so otherworldly. Even with Raven at my side, I wondered how I would be received.

  I never found out.

  Logan’s son, who’d been watching me so intently, came running over to Raven. “Uncle,” he said. “When you leave to go on your travels, can I come with you?”

  Raven smiled down at him, but Logan was close on his son’s heels. “You see what you’ve done!” he shouted at Raven. “This is the last time. No more of these…performances here at home. You breed unrest! You make it look as if rolling from town to city is some great adventure.” He glanced down at his son and lowered his voice. “They can’t understand what it’s really like.”

  Had he traveled as a boy and been unhappy on the road? There was so little I knew.

  But everyone had heard him shouting. Tristan frowned from where he stood, and soon, people began to slip away and go home.

  * * * *

  Just when I thought it might never happen, the air began to warm, the ground thawed and the trees began budding with leaves. Yellow and purple flowers came up from the ground, and I rejoiced in the knowledge that we would soon be on the road again.

  Raven felt my joy, and he began inspecting wagons, seeing to any repairs that might be necessary.

  The people of the settlement began inspecting both their gardens and the cleared lands near the orchards in preparation to till and plant new crops. I was glad for them too, as we were approaching the last of our flour, sugar, and oats. The onions, potatoes, and carrots stowed from last year’s harvest were nearing the bottoms of barrels. But no one worried. There were chickens, eggs, goat’s milk, pigs, and fish from the stream. Soon, the people here would be planting, and I knew Raven still had money, so our group could re-supply on the road.

  A week before we were scheduled to leave, Caine brought down a large buck deer with his bow. Raven built a fire outside and set up a spit, and the men roasted the venison. That evening, everyone gathered in the common house. Brida had ordered a rationing of bread, but there was plenty of roasted meat.

  Inside the common house, Raven and I sat with Tristan, Logan, Brida, their sons, and Caine.

  Tristan took a bite of meat and raised his cup to Caine. “Fine venison,” he said. “Rich and tender.”

  But he did not take another bite. Instead, one side of his face twitched, and then his entire body jerked as he fell off his chair. Raven was on his feet first, his expression wild with alarm.

  “Grandfather!”

  Everyone was up, but Tristan lay on the floor with the side of his face still twitching.

  “Raven, help me,” Caine said. “We have to get him home.”

  * * * *

  I knew that Tristan and Caine lived together in a large house—which had once been populated by more than just them—but I’d not been inside. It could not have been more different from the house I shared with Raven, as it was stocked with polished furniture, thick rugs on the floors, and curtains on the windows.

  That night, the family held vigil around Tristan’s bed.

  Near the mid of night, he awoke and looked around.

  “Grandfather,” Raven said, kneeling to grasp Tristan’s hand.

  “Where am I?” Tristan asked, but he seemed to have difficulty speaking.

  “In your room. You collapsed.”

  I got him a cup of water, but Brida took it from me and moved to the other side of the bed to help him sip. “
You are ill,” she said to him. “I know it seems unfeeling to speak of such things, but what if you do not recover? Who will be tórnya? You must name a successor.”

  Aghast, Raven jumped up. “Brida!”

  But neither Caine nor Logan reacted. Instead, they both looked to Tristan.

  His eyes were sad, but he pointed to Logan.

  “Logan.”

  This was the only word he managed to say. Then his body jerked again, the side of his face twitching more fiercely. He went stiff from the force of it, and then he went still.

  “No!” Raven cried, dropping to his knees again. The sight broke my heart, as he was weeping.

  But Tristan’s eyes were closed, and he did not breathe. He was dead.

  The room was silent but for the sounds of Raven’s sorrow.

  Then Logan said, “You heard him. You all heard him.”

  * * * *

  The following night, even before Tristan’s funeral, Logan called everyone to the common house. I sat with Raven, who was still openly suffering from Tristan’s sudden death.

  Logan stood near the hearth, with Brida beside him. Caine stood nearby.

  “My grandfather has passed on,” Logan said in a voice that carried. “We all mourn him, as he was our leader for as long as most of us remember. But he named me tórnya before he died, and I must now do what I think best for our people. First, there will be no more autumn raids. We don’t need the luxuries those raids provide, and we cannot risk any more soldiers following our men home and finding the chute.”

  No one appeared surprised by this announcement. Even in their sorrow at the loss of Tristan, many nodded their agreement with Logan’s decree.

  “Second,” he called, “there will be no more of us traveling through parts of the year. Everyone will remain here. We’ll dismantle the homes on the wagons and use the wagons for other needs.”

  “No!” Raven shouted jumping to his feet.

  Caine started in shock and stepped toward Logan. “You can’t do that.”

  Logan didn’t flinch. “I’m tórnya here now, and there is too much danger of our travelers being followed home.”

  Doris stood. “But Logan…what about the supplies Raven’s troupe brings back every winter? We cannot produce everything we need here.”

  “We will learn to survive with what we can produce here,” he answered. “We are strong. We need no one and nothing else.”

  Raven crossed the room to face him. “Those wagons are mine. Father left them to me. I couldn’t care less if you rule here, but my group leaves on schedule.”

  Logan met his eyes. “If you leave, you will not be allowed back, and if you try to return, I’ll order our men on the walls of the cliffs to shoot.”

  People about the common hall gasped.

  But Logan was tórnya now.

  * * * *

  I never feared that we would stay, but I knew it would take several days for the reality of Logan’s decree to set in. At first, Raven and those of our troupe believed he might be swayed, but I knew full well that this would not happen either.

  Logan was an isolationist. I never used this term to Raven, but I’d read of such men in my lady’s books. He would not relent. He’d most likely been waiting for years to cut the settlement off from any outside influence.

  In the end, Raven called our group to meet at the wagons.

  Between his grandfather’s death and this agonized decision, his face was etched with pain.

  “I cannot live here year-round,” he announced. “Kara and I are leaving tomorrow. We’ll take anyone who wants to come, but there will be no blame if you stay. Many of you have family here…I have family here. Also, you are welcome to ask anyone who might want to come with us. We’ll make room somehow, and if need be, we’ll buy more wagons.”

  “What will we do in winter?” Ash asked.

  “We’ll take the money we would have used for supplies for the settlement, and I’ll rent us space for the wagons in Narbonnè or Lokeren.”

  “Marcel and I are coming with you,” Jemma said. “My parents might wish to come too. They fear staying here with Logan as leader.”

  Raven nodded.

  One by one, from to Ash to Tannen to Emilee and Bonham and onward, everyone stated they were coming.

  Then Jade said, “Sean and I will stay.”

  Raven frowned as if he hadn’t heard her correctly.

  “What?” Tannen asked. “You can’t mean that.”

  But I rushed forward and grabbed her hands. “Don’t say that. You must come. We cannot be without you, and you will regret this. Jade, we’re not coming back!”

  How could she not understand this?

  Gripping gently on my fingers, she said, “I can’t come, Kara. I can’t.”

  * * * *

  That night, the last night at our house, Raven nearly broke down. It had all been too much.

  “How can we do this without Jade?” he asked. “Who will plan the costumes and do the girls’ hair and call cues when I’m on stage?”

  I ached for Jade to come with us, but I wouldn’t stay here for her.

  Walking to him, I touched his face. “I can plan costumes and do the girls’ hair and call cues when you are on stage.”

  He looked down at me and exhaled. “Of course. You can do all of that, can’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  * * * *

  In the end, Jemma’s parents decided to join us. Badger tried once more to convince Jade to come, but she would not. She did not even come to see us off.

  On the day we left, Caine grabbed hold of Raven and held him for a long time. But Caine would never leave the settlement. His place was here.

  After tears and goodbyes, we climbed up on the wagons, knowing we would not return.

  Logan stood with his arms crossed, but he was pale. I think in his heart, he didn’t believe Raven would actually leave.

  He did not know his brother.

  As we rolled down the chute that day, I looked ahead at my life of traveling and performing and living in the wagon with Raven.

  I had love…and I had freedom.

  * * * *

  The chute around me disappeared and I found myself once again inside the small shack, kneeling by the hearth and staring into the right panel of the three-tiered mirror.

  Fighting to take in air, I thought on all that I had just lived through.

  But the dark-haired woman was now looking out from the center panel.

  “What was that?” I cried.

  “That would be the outcome of the first choice,” she answered. “But now those memories will vanish, and you’ll go back to the beginning, to the moment of the crisis, to live out the second choice.”

  “Wait!” I cried. “I won’t remember anything of what I just saw?”

  “Back to the beginning once more,” she answered. “To live out the second choice.”

  My mind went blank, and the interior of the shack vanished.

  The Second Choice

  Flight

  Chapter Ten

  I was standing in the darkness just outside the door of the shack, feeling dizzy and disoriented, as if I’d forgotten something and needed to remember. What was I doing out here?

  Then I remembered that Raven had just left me—with the door unlocked—and I had a decision to make. Looking to the left, I saw the long tree line stretching along the backs of several dwellings.

  Raven had given me the choice of leaving with his troupe in the morning or staying here and taking my chances—or I could escape the settlement, make my way down the chute, and try to get back to my lady.

  The thought of attempting to flee this place and then navigating the forest on my own was terrifying. But I didn’t know Raven well enough to leave with him. He had shown moments of kindness, but I’d o
nly met him two nights before. And Caine…he wanted something from me. I didn’t know what, only that he did.

  I had no choice but to run.

  Looking down the tree line, I forced myself into motion, slipping down the backs of buildings all the way to the edge of the settlement nearest to the chute. At the last dwelling, I peered around the corner and saw no one.

  Where was everyone?

  Perhaps they had all gathered somewhere, but this didn’t matter. From where I stood, I had a clear line to the entrance to the chute. Breathing fast, I still hesitated. What if while I was on my way down, one of the men out on watch on the cliffs spotted movement and took the shot?

  There were worse things than death, and I braced myself, taking one more look before dashing out into the open, across the space between the dwellings and the top of the chute. On the way, I passed a collection of six wagons with houses built on top, but they were quiet and dark, with no horses harnessed.

  Reaching the mouth of the chute, I pressed my body up against the near side, panting—somewhat surprised that I’d made it this far. Then, slowly, I began to creep downward in the darkness, keeping myself up against the cliff wall as Raven had instructed.

  The journey was slow.

  I never once looked up.

  The moon provided my only light, but it was easy for me to follow the path down, always pressed to the wall. Near the bottom, I tripped over some loose stones, sending them skittering, and I froze at the sound they made, but no arrows rained down from above.

  Shaken, I remained where I was for long moments and then ran from the bottom of the chute, back through the brush that hid its lower mouth…and found myself alone, in the dark, in the forest.

  I’d escaped the settlement.

  The way back was to the west, but I didn’t know how to navigate by the moon, only the sun. At first, I thought it best to hide someplace nearby until morning when I could gauge my path. But then I feared what might happen should Caine go to check on me in the shack and find me gone.

  He’d come searching, and he knew this forest. He would find me.

  An open plain stretched out on my left, and I remembered that Raven had led us in through the forest. Turning right, I headed into the forest, following the straightest line possible. I would travel only far enough to evade possible pursuit by Caine, and then I would rest.